Weird, weird day...but good

So I've already written and deleted many sentences on this particular blog. I want to write about yesterday but it was a very...thoughtful day, a very weird but thoughtful day.

Yesterday morning I got up at 7.00...or rather I set the alarm for 7, actually got up at 7:30. I hit the snooze button three times and then woke up to what I can only describe as God asking me to get up and worship him...in exercise. I've done that before, when I couldn't do anymore work outs for myself or even my family. I then worked out as worship and praise to my God. This was different though, I could exercise for myself and the thought of me being fit and leaving behind the 'old me' who ate everything in sight and wanted more more MORE.
This was a different feeling, I knew that God was asking me to get up and exercise. I've never really experienced this before. Sure, I've had God ask me to do things, talk to someone, do something for someone...read His word and things...but exercise? I shrugged it off and got up and dressed and worked out, didn't really think anything else of it.
We went to Church, took the boys to nursery and went to worship. God was speaking to me throughout worship, nudging me and asking me to listen to Him. I listened and He had some very interesting things to say.
We sang some songs that I'd never heard before, they said things like "I'm tired of the old me, I want the new me to shine through and show you..." and "You never let go, you're there through the pain and happiness, thank you"...and so on. The songs didn't say that word for word but that's what I heard and remembered.
I thought about why I originally started to work out and wiped a few tears away with a sad smile. I thought about where I am now and where I want to be and how much I wish I were there right now. God was telling me through these songs that He wants me to turn away from the 'old me' who eats everything in sight and turn towards Him. He was telling me to trust Him completely and continue doing so well in working out.
I must say, I do have my thoughts as to why God is telling me to continue exercising but I don't feel that now would be the right time to say my thoughts on this particular issue. It's still too fuzzy and not clear.
When I was exercising, almost 9 years ago now...I didn't want anyone to see me because I do exercises a little different to other ppl, not 'normally' as some might say. I will write more about this at a later time but I did have a stroke when I was 8years old. It was a very serious stroke and ever since I have been trying my hardest to hide the fact that I had a stroke. And exercise just shows it, right out there....my right hand is not doing what it's supposed to or whatever...

When I found out I was pregnant with twins I was first really excited, then really scared. How was I to handle one baby, let alone two? I would have to 'reveal' to the world that I do actually have some disabilities...well...it's now almost 2 years later and I feel (a little bit) more confident about showing the world that I am disabled because my kids are worth everything, and if their safety or cleanliness or even happiness depends on me showing that I'm disabled so be it.

SO all that being said...I'm going through an internal emotional roller coaster with exercise thing. Not so much when I walk or hike but when I work out by lifting weights or kick box or even do punches...heck even yoga. :-)
When people say they'd love to work out with me or 'I have a great DVD that we can both do together' I don't want to because that's sticking myself out there and showing them that I have something wrong with me, that I'm not 'normal'.

What does all this have to do with God asking me to work out? How do they correlate? I've been thinking a lot about people I could help, people who have had strokes...people who aren't your typical stroke victims. People who've had strokes when they were very young, or in their teens or even in their adulthood.
Recently God has been revealing that He has things to do for me in the community and the public. Not exactly sure what that is but if my God is taking me, it can't be a bad place. :-)

I've got all of these questions going around in my head, I've got so many things that I would ask God and have asked God. He just smiles and holds my hand and says He only wants me to worry about working out and getting fit.
It's frustrating and I don't quite know why...but I certainly do feel the passion and the fire to exercise and get really fit.

The other thing is that I don't feel I just want to get 'thin', like I did before when I was working out. I feel a NEED to get FIT...like really really fit. I feel a need to get fit so I know what to eat, I know what not to eat...and I've never felt that before. It's exciting but at the same time...I never thought I would feel that way...just like I never thought I'd be an athlete. (And still don't but you never know with God!) lol
So...yesterday was a revealing day and an interesting one. I don't know what God's doing through me but I'm totally willing to accept it.
Here we go!!!...watch this space :-)